My brother and I...

Its a tough realisation when you come to the firm conclusion that you just don't have the relationship with your siblings (or even your entire nuclear family) that you would like. As children the three of us did not get on all that well. R and I (who is 6 years younger than me and the youngest) always got on better than I did with C (who is the middle child and 3 years younger than me). It isn't like we have a bad relationship. We can spend time in one another's company without fighting or bickering but in terms of life philosophies we are on different planets. C has just stayed with us for two weeks and the best adjective for his entire stay would be frustrating. I try and push his thinking slightly outside of 'normal' and he instantly becomes obscenely defensive. I expose a little of my drug experiences or open sexual lifestyle to him and rather than being willing to discuss it and ask questions (and I'm totally open to my statements being challenged in an educated or constructive way) he just wants to change the subject as quickly as possible, like he's ashamed of my choices. Doesn't even want to give me a chance to defend my actions, it's all a case of 'don't rock the boat', lets quickly move on and talk about another drone topic like sports or TV or best of all lets not talk at all and just watch TV *sigh* Part of me feels really tempted to push all my families boundaries. Just tell them all about my social habits and life philosophies. Try and have adult two-way conversations about Polyamory and our more liberal social and lifestyle choices but instead I am silenced. By listening to comments made about others (footballers, politicians, celebrities, activists etc) it is made clear that not only would my choices not be supported but they would be openly and harshly criticised and ridiculed. There is the part of me that realises that the only people that need to be comfortable with my choices are me and J but there is the smaller part or me that feels more pressing in my inner core that is truly gutted that my family just don't want to know the real me.