A ticket to Fiji

I am at work as planned. This was never where they were supposed to be, not at all planned. They booked tickets for Fiji and they’ve landed in Tokyo. No one speaks their language, and even those who try have a heavy accent. This is not what they expected, and they are not prepared. They packed for and read about Fiji. NOTHING is how it was supposed to be.

But there is a baby. In front of all of us. A fighting, living, breathing baby.

He is my new patient. He is their new child.

I will administer care to prolong and try to save his life. They gave him life.

I will take care of him. They love him.

This job is my choice. They have no choice, this is their life, and he is theirs. He was real to them and a part of their life long before he came to me.

I know how to read the innate signs and reflexes. They’ve known him from the start, in their minds and in their hearts.

He is my one of my patients. A part of my days work. A set of tasks to be completed. He is their one and only newborn baby, their ticket to Fiji, why am I talking to them in Japanese?

My place of work is their baby’s unexpected home and their second home, for however long it takes for him to be able to go to where he truly belongs.

If we all had our way he would be home. But he’s not. We have a responsibility for this baby. We need to combine our powers, skills, will and knowledge to help this vulnerable human being – their son, survive. Minute by minute. Hour by hour. Day by day. Everyday.

All I have are expertise and if I can help I will. They have love, thought, worry and prayer to whatever power will listen. They would do anything for their child. They are experts too with unique and intimate knowledge at times more vital than any specialist.

I work with him during my shift, my allocated working day. They want to and will try to be there always, for all the time he may or may not have. They don’t want a relative stranger telling them about their son’s day. Something new he did for the first time, a small step forward missed. But that’s how it is. No choice, no plans – everyone learning together.

They have entire responsibility for his existence. I can never ask them to hand responsibility of him over to me. They need my compassion, knowledge and respect. They need me to be honest and open. They should never feel embarrassed. They do not need to be patronised. They need to feel involved and empowered.

They are a family. A mother, a father and a child who at times with my help need to be alone, together.

I should never try or pretend to be a superhero. They wish I was, but I’m not even close, and we all know it.

When I look at and care for their child, they need me to remember the people that I love and hold that love in my heart as I care for and treat their tiny baby.

I am working for them – their warrior of light.

Compersion

Compersion n : the feeling of taking joy in the joy that others you love
share among themselves, especially taking joy in the knowledge that your
beloveds are expressing their love for one another. The term was coined by
the Keristan Commune in San Francisco which practiced Polyfidelity.

My brother and I...

Its a tough realisation when you come to the firm conclusion that you just don't have the relationship with your siblings (or even your entire nuclear family) that you would like. As children the three of us did not get on all that well. R and I (who is 6 years younger than me and the youngest) always got on better than I did with C (who is the middle child and 3 years younger than me). It isn't like we have a bad relationship. We can spend time in one another's company without fighting or bickering but in terms of life philosophies we are on different planets. C has just stayed with us for two weeks and the best adjective for his entire stay would be frustrating. I try and push his thinking slightly outside of 'normal' and he instantly becomes obscenely defensive. I expose a little of my drug experiences or open sexual lifestyle to him and rather than being willing to discuss it and ask questions (and I'm totally open to my statements being challenged in an educated or constructive way) he just wants to change the subject as quickly as possible, like he's ashamed of my choices. Doesn't even want to give me a chance to defend my actions, it's all a case of 'don't rock the boat', lets quickly move on and talk about another drone topic like sports or TV or best of all lets not talk at all and just watch TV *sigh* Part of me feels really tempted to push all my families boundaries. Just tell them all about my social habits and life philosophies. Try and have adult two-way conversations about Polyamory and our more liberal social and lifestyle choices but instead I am silenced. By listening to comments made about others (footballers, politicians, celebrities, activists etc) it is made clear that not only would my choices not be supported but they would be openly and harshly criticised and ridiculed. There is the part of me that realises that the only people that need to be comfortable with my choices are me and J but there is the smaller part or me that feels more pressing in my inner core that is truly gutted that my family just don't want to know the real me. 

Belief

Just so you know, as a non-christian I don't believe in nothing, I believe in anything :)

Loves and snuggles for my pup :)

Our 6 year old Golden Retriever chewing his ball in the park :)

'The Science of a New Life'...uh oh!

This is an excerpt from a genuine book written in the late 1800’s (The Science of a New Life by Dr John Cowan). The book is written about how individual behaviors have a physiological impact, he seems to pay particular attention to the consequences on the female form.

“Let us glance at some of the results of masturbation, as affecting the health and character of the individual; the array is altogether an undesirable one: headaches, dyspepsia, costiveness, spinal disease, epilepsy, impaired eyesight, palpitations of the heart, pain in the side, incontinence of urine, hysteria, paralysis, involuntary seminal emissions, impotency, consumption, insanity etc.

The female, diseased here, loses proportionably the amiableness and gracefulness of her sex, her sweetness of voice, disposition and manner, her native enthusiasm, her beauty of face and form, her gracefulness of elegance and carriage, her looks of love and interest in man and to him, and becomes merged into a mongrel, neither male nor female, but marred by the defects of both, without possessing the virtues of either.”

...OH FUCK!!

Rainbow pancakes

Saw this on a bumper sticker and wanted to pass it on.

The pretty girlie bike I want

Where's my sign post??

Outside all the Churches across here in Canada they have this aggravating (well it's aggravating to me anyway) habit of displaying what is supposed to be a soul inspiring/faith affirming message like "prayer is the oil to the grind of life" or "whilst there are exams there will always be prayer in school" or something equally trite and smug. Anyways, todays latest update on the church sign opposite the hospital is "Coincidence is when god chooses to remain anonymous".

Look idiots. That doesn't even make any sense. So what about when two people discover their younger brothers died on the same day or at the same age. That's a coincidence right? I'm getting sick and tired of driving past this building everyday wondering what their latest publicity stunt is going to be and having to just tolerate whatever garbage they decide to preach in a public space like it's unquestionable fact. Surely those statements are to stroke the ego's of the people already entering the building. Please tell me they don't think these are inspirational statements that will win the mind and the common man causing them to make a detour into the church to see what other teaching they are missing in their otherwise soul-less lives? Where do I get to post my response? Where do I get to ask about their research or references for whatever offensive statement of 'fact' they have posted that day? I'm really not a supporter of evangelical atheism but seriously where is my sign post. I'd never even need to change my response too often, just something along the lines of "no, no, no, no, no fucking no".

I try hard not to be a judgmental person. I strive to be open, honest and broad minded.  I'm friendly and sociable. I make jokes and laugh on a regular basis. I love life and love to share it with people. I appreciate my above rant sounds very bitter and you know what - it is! I'm bitter that I lost so much of my teenage years to this story books and it's blind followers. I wholly encourage free thought and skeptical inquiry into anything and after applying this logic to Christianity I now choose to reject religion in it's entirety. I am tired of their intolerance of one another before I even begin talking about the way they treat people who decide to tread the path of life without 'faith' in deities. As far as I am concerned there is no external higher power and that faith that people point so confidently towards to skies should be located wholly within themselves. I'm tired of the churches bull-shit propaganda. It's getting more desperate as they fear as much as I hope that in the not too distant future, their days are numbered. 

Noahs Ark Bag

Coolest bag in the whole entire world (from braccialini.com) for the *bargain* price of 850 euros *sigh* :(

Mary Janes...something about them just makes me feel younger and cuter ;)

White Leather Kitty Cats 

Maybe the shoes would help change mine...

Sparkley ones!